Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Come what may and love it...

I think of myself as a deeply private person when it comes to talking in-depth about my personal life.  I share with very few the struggles that I have on a personal level.  I know I have mentioned my anxiety previously in a post so you know that I do struggle with that.  Yesterday was an extremely stress filled day, as I was giving my son a bath I noticed two lumps on his neck.  Feeling them they felt like two hard little bug bites right where his lymph nodes should be.  I called the doctor immediately and they asked if I could come right now.  I should state for the record "I do not handle stress well AT ALL!"  I dressed him and left the house in 3 minutes.  My husband was busy with patients and I insisted his office manager get him anyways.  I cried and told him what was going on, now I should state for the record "my husband is EXTREMELY calm under pressure!"  He told me to now borrow trouble and find out what was going on before I had already moved us up to SLC to live nearby the children's hospital while my son fought off cancer.  I then called my Sister Jess I have two sisters and they really are my best friends and confidants.  I cried the whole way to the doctors office with her.  They rushed us in and I was seeing the doctor 5 minutes after walking in.  He checked out Preston and told me that he had swollen lymph nodes not cancer, I bawled like a baby from relief.  We then had 20 minutes to get to the house we were suppose to go and see.  We saw four houses and I am more overwhelmed than ever!  I have no idea where I want to live!  What if I hate it there, what if I decide I hate the house?  I HATE BEIGE WALLS EVERYWHERE!!!!  Every single house in the entire state of Utah has beige walls in EVERY room!!!!  I think I am putting the house thing on the back burner for a while! 
So I went to bed... or so I though!  When I get panic attacks I get violently ill.  I throw up and well to put it nicely it comes out both ends.  I started having panic attacks and ended up crying in the bathroom with my wonderful husband telling me it's OK.  I finally took a Xanax and started to calm down.  I got a few hours of sleep and awoke to another episode.  Sleep eludes me.  I laid in bed and had a pity party about how rough my life is when I remember something I read in October of '09.  I have a wonderful friend who is only a few months younger than me, and had just found out she had breast cancer.  She handled it with grace and determination, and after finding out she wrote "Come what may and love it" I cried through her post because she is a woman with unmovable faith (she is currently doing very well.)  Inspired by what she wrote I decided to end my pity party by watching this message on my iPad.  I know we all struggle in life and sometimes it's hard to find the 'joy in the journey', so I present this message to you because it is powerful and brings perspective to life.  Please take 3 minutes and watch it  I promise you will not be disappointed!


Ps- Sorry about writing a novel!  I will be back later with my 'sale picks' I think I need a little retail therapy!

15 comments:

  1. Tricia, you are not alone in your anxiety struggles. I'm sorry to hear that all this came upon you at once. It IS stressful looking for a home. It IS stressful when you fear for a loved one's health. It's wonderful that you have your husband who sounds like a calming man. And I love the motto, "come what may and love it". I need to start to adapt that to my life and realize there are things I CAN change and those that one cannot. I can only change my PERCEPTION of that event.

    I hope you manage to sneak a nap in today!
    Take care of youself and a little retail therapy never hurt anyone ;)

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  2. So what happened to your son? Did I miss the outcome? I hope he is ok...and I hope that you aren't too sick today! :)

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  3. I am glad to hear that your son is fine, and that you're taking some unnecessary stress from your life by slowing down the house hunt.

    Anxiety can be a tough thing and though I have no words of advice, please remember we bloggee friends are all here for you.

    Let us know what you get on sale!

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  4. Thanks for that! I have been feeling really sorry for myself lately and I needed that reminder. You are an amazing person and I believe you have to go through those struggles because you are the type of person who can stay strong spiritually and then strengthen others through your experience.

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  5. I hope that your son is doing well.
    I am glad that you can find peace in the love of your family! You are so lucky in that respect. I have anxiety issues as well, so I can relate.

    As for buying a house - it is stressful. You will never find one that is perfect. There will always be something you will want to change. Find something that you like and feel comfortable living in. You can always repaint! A house will feel like a home bc your family is in it!

    Thank you for sharing with us. Hugs and I hope you are having a much better day!

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  6. I just wrote a post on my blog about this talk about 2 hours ago! Wow! This is one of my favorite talks and I love it so much! With your experience, it really makes me 'not feel' sorry for myself in certain situations. Thanks for the lovely post and I hope today is a better day for you and yours :-D

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  7. you are such an amazing and capable woman who i admire and love! i am so sorry that you have been struggling lately. i am glad to hear that preston is doing ok and it is nothing serious. hope that house hunting will go better - remember that it is a house and you make it a home. that is what really matters. plus, you are so awesome that i know you will make whatever house you buy into something awesome too. can't wait to receive and invite once you have found it! love and miss you something terrible. thnaks for your post - i needed it too.

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  8. Thanks for the post. I think we all need to be reminded of this and like Pamela said, adapt this motto into our lives. And slow down the house hunt, you don't need to add to your stress. And if need be I'll drive to Utah to help you repaint every single beige wall! Give me a call today!

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  9. I'm glad your son is okay! As someone who as anxiety problems myself, I know how crippeling it can be. I hope you feel better soon (and retail therapy is ALWAYS helpful!)

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  10. SO glad your little guy is ok...I totally get caught up in the what if's when it comes to health related issues with my kids so I totally know the worry you went through. As for that talk...I remember listening to it when it broadcasted and loved it. He was one of my favorites in his later years...just so sweet and to the point in a loving manner. I love the mantra "Come What May and Love it"...thanks for the reminder...and have a great day! It can only get better my dear! =)

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  11. First off, thank you for your recent comment on my blog. It's so great to get feedback from other bloggers =)

    I'm sorry to hear of your recent stress! Hope the rest of the week is calming for you!!

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  12. Tricia thank you for this! It touched me so deeply. It's just what I needed to hear. I do the exact same thing with stress. I don't handle it well at all.I Would have reacted the same way with my children. I've been extremely overwhelmed lately myself. We just moved from a home we love and everything is unknown for my family. I've been beyond stressed out because of it. I love that message because if we do look at life in that way hardships wouldn't be so hard. I want to put that saying in my house somewhere to remind me. Anyway I hope that you get to feeling better soon. Thanks again.

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  13. Thanks for being so open about your anxiety, it really helps to not feel "crazy" when you know others struggle with the same feelings. I'm sorry for the scare with your son, I can understand why that would send you into a tailspin. Thank goodness he is okay. Big hugs to you, and I hope you are able to catch up on some rests and don't have another round of attacks - that is just awful to have it take such a physical toll. I'm glad your husband and sisters are so supportive.

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  14. You make me want to cry! What a great message. I miss you and wish I was there to give you a big hug. Know I'm hugging you in spirit! I don't think I can add anything after that message, but I know you are strong and can handle what comes your way! (And I'll come help you paint away beige walls if you want!) Miss you and love you.

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  15. Tricia, I am so sorry that you had a hard day! I totally understand how everything bad can pile up and you just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that today is a better day for you. Good luck finding the perfect house. It is out there somewhere! Maybe the reason that you are taking your time looking is all about the timing! Maybe your dream house at your dream price just became available. Anyway, best of luck with everything!

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