I think of myself as a deeply private person when it comes to talking in-depth about my personal life. I share with very few the struggles that I have on a personal level. I know I have mentioned my anxiety previously in a post so you know that I do struggle with that. Yesterday was an extremely stress filled day, as I was giving my son a bath I noticed two lumps on his neck. Feeling them they felt like two hard little bug bites right where his lymph nodes should be. I called the doctor immediately and they asked if I could come right now. I should state for the record "I do not handle stress well AT ALL!" I dressed him and left the house in 3 minutes. My husband was busy with patients and I insisted his office manager get him anyways. I cried and told him what was going on, now I should state for the record "my husband is EXTREMELY calm under pressure!" He told me to now borrow trouble and find out what was going on before I had already moved us up to SLC to live nearby the children's hospital while my son fought off cancer. I then called my Sister Jess I have two sisters and they really are my best friends and confidants. I cried the whole way to the doctors office with her. They rushed us in and I was seeing the doctor 5 minutes after walking in. He checked out Preston and told me that he had swollen lymph nodes not cancer, I bawled like a baby from relief. We then had 20 minutes to get to the house we were suppose to go and see. We saw four houses and I am more overwhelmed than ever! I have no idea where I want to live! What if I hate it there, what if I decide I hate the house? I HATE BEIGE WALLS EVERYWHERE!!!! Every single house in the entire state of Utah has beige walls in EVERY room!!!! I think I am putting the house thing on the back burner for a while!
So I went to bed... or so I though! When I get panic attacks I get violently ill. I throw up and well to put it nicely it comes out both ends. I started having panic attacks and ended up crying in the bathroom with my wonderful husband telling me it's OK. I finally took a Xanax and started to calm down. I got a few hours of sleep and awoke to another episode. Sleep eludes me. I laid in bed and had a pity party about how rough my life is when I remember something I read in October of '09. I have a wonderful friend who is only a few months younger than me, and had just found out she had breast cancer. She handled it with grace and determination, and after finding out she wrote "Come what may and love it" I cried through her post because she is a woman with unmovable faith (she is currently doing very well.) Inspired by what she wrote I decided to end my pity party by watching this message on my iPad. I know we all struggle in life and sometimes it's hard to find the 'joy in the journey', so I present this message to you because it is powerful and brings perspective to life. Please take 3 minutes and watch it I promise you will not be disappointed!
Ps- Sorry about writing a novel! I will be back later with my 'sale picks' I think I need a little retail therapy!